i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
We are two peas in an std pod
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
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