we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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