I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Randomize
