Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Randomize
