Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
you didnt know i had herpes?
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
