btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Randomize
