she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
