Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
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