battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
