Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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