White coat. Heels.
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
just tell him i said nine months
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
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You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
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The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
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