Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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