the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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