Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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