I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
