okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I smell like Dick and happiness
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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