Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
