we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
COCAINE IS GR8
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Randomize
