if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
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