You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
