Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Randomize
