i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
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