i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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