Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Randomize
