Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
