I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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