I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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