i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
