Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
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