i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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