i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
