my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
