dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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