She's JV to your varsity
Who wears a wallet chain?!
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
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