The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
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