i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
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