Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
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Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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