I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Randomize
