Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
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