if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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