Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Randomize
