ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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