This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
