bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Randomize
