Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
