I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Randomize
