I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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