god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
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