alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
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