Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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