Whod you bang
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
