New low: just hacked my moms facebook
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
im holly from the hills drunk
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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