hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
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