I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
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