Tell her she can't have a vagina
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
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I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
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