My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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