I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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