I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
