Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
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