you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
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