I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Randomize
