My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
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