if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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