Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Just high enough for therapy.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Randomize
