Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
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