Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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